Breathe in breathe out

Round 16: January 2025

Ross Cooper is 14.

I finally told Madelyn. I had to tell someone and it just felt natural it'd be Maddie. I dragged her to my room after school and we sat on the floor face to face like we always do. I had this whole speech prepared in my head but I got so nervous in the end that I just sort of blurted it out in two simple words.

"I'm gay!"

It felt like my heart would burst out of my chest when I waited for her reaction. She simply took my hand in hers and smiled.

"I know. You were acting so weird around Jeremy over Christmas break and then you two had that huge fight at school after Iona kissed him... and suddenly I just knew" she said like it wasn't a big deal. And then I realized - it wasn't a big deal, not for her. She didn't think any differently about me.

"You're my brother and as much as you annoy me sometimes I still love you and have your back always. Just don't go hitting on my boyfriend if I ever get one!" she said and winked.

I probably looked like a fish on dry land. And then I panicked again. Why hadn't I thought about it before I opened my stupid mouth?! Like I hadn't seen how well she and Jeremy got along during Christmas break?! I had been so jealous when I saw them laughing together and that's when I had to admit to myself that I definitely liked boys - and one boy in particular.

"You... you like him too... Jeremy, I mean" I said, barely able to get the words out of my mouth. She just waved her hand in front of my face and said she definitely didn't like Jeremy that way.

"Yeah, we kissed once and... nothing. Aren't there supposed to be fireworks and stuff when you kiss someone?" she just said and raised her eyebrows. "I bet there's fireworks when you kiss him, right?! I mean you two have totally made out, haven't you?!"

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks and was probably as red as a lobster but I went pale really quickly when she said that I should tell mom and dad. There's no way I would tell them. They're great but who knows how they'd react.

The thing is that Maddie can pretty much talk me into anything. I don't know if it's a twin thing or just that when she really puts her brilliant mind into something there's no way to stop her. So later that week after building up courage for a few days there I was - standing in front of mom and dad. Again I totally forgot what I had planned to say so I just blurted the same two words out of my mouth. Only this time I also burst into tears the moment I had said it.

Mom and dad both jumped up from the sofa but it was dad who took me in his arms and stroked my back and just kept telling me that everything was alright all the while I wept like a baby. Did I mention I have the best parents in the world?

Notes:

• Title reference: Breathe in breathe out by Mat Kearney.
• Ross's big secret is now revealed - although I think most of you guessed it already! I decided to do a mini update because his family update is so far away and I just wanted to get it out in the open.
• I play a fairly realistic game and I know there are parents IRL who aren't so accepting of their child being gay. However there will NEVER be homophobia in Wellington!