Defender

Round 14: Autumn 2021


Stella Harris is 57, Finn is 16 and Deacon Burrows is 56.
(Jackie is 70, Liv is 23 and Shea is 1.)

Narrated by Stella Harris.

Finn told us a couple of months ago that he's not going to college at all. We were hoping he'd want a higher education but he's set his goal on the culinary career and says that at this point a college degree would be useless for him. He says that he can always get the college degree later in his life if he feels like it. He's still working hard to get good grades though so we can't really complain much. He also got an after school job at Café Carousel.

I was surprised at first when he said that he wants to become a chef but he really seems to enjoy cooking. And he's really good at it too! I don't remember eating so well in years. He's always trying out new recipes.

I think Deacon has a harder time accepting the fact that our children grow up and make their own decisions. I try to tell him that we should let them live their lives the way they want but he has strong opinions and he's usually very vocal about them.

Like the other night when Liv came over for dinner. She and Niall broke up a few months ago and now Deacon keeps telling her how he was right about Niall all along. I could tell she was getting really annoyed and upset. It's true that Deacon never liked Niall but he really doesn't need to rub it in her face.

I confronted Deacon while Liv and Finn went upstairs to his room to listen to some music.

"I am just saying that maybe she should listen to her old man, I always said that the boy was scum and that's exactly what he turned out to be" he said which irritated me even more.

"First of all, she hasn't even told us why they broke up and in any case it doesn't make it better if you keep bringing it up every time she comes here" I said. I think he got my point because he didn't say anything about Niall for the rest of the evening.

I've been having a lot in my mind lately anyway. I was shooting a movie abroad a few months ago and visited an orphanage there. I do a lot of charity but seeing all those children made me want to do more. I know we're getting old but I just know that we could give a good home to a child in need. I started looking information about international adoption and found out that it's not totally impossible to adopt at our age although it would be easier if we were younger.

Liv has a life of her own and Finn will move out in a couple of years to live with Dawn and Shea. Deacon and I will be living in this huge house by ourselves. I talked to him about it and he was really reluctant. He said that we're too old and that it's time for us to enjoy our lives without further responsibilities. I guess he has a point. There's still part of me that would want another child but I don't want to pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to.

I was really surprised when one evening he said that he's been thinking about the adoption a lot lately.

"I started thinking about what you said. We have a lot to give to a child and I think it would give our lives a totally new meaning as well" he whispered in my ear.

We've been browsing the websites of adoption services and I think Deacon's even more excited about the idea than I am! We talked to Finn about it and he looked at us like we've lost our minds.

"You're old... umm... I mean, you know... you're OLD!" he said. "You'll be like 80 when the kid is 20. Poor kid, he or she will have the oldest parents ever!" he continued.

"Ok, we get your point. You think it's a terrible idea" Deacon interrupted. I could tell he was getting a bit upset.

"Nah, I'm just kidding. I think it's great, I've always wanted a little sister or brother" Finn said with a grin on his face.

We've now left an application to an adoption agency. We'll need to see a doctor to make sure that we're in a good enough shape and also go through a psychological evaluation. The lady at the adoption agency said that it would take about 6 months to get accepted - if it's meant to happen at all. After that it'll be a long wait and we might get too old and not get a child after all.

I'm in between productions at the moment so I'm babysitting Shea whenever necessary. She's such a joy. I was shocked to hear about Dawn's pregnancy but I think she and Finn made the right decision. Whatever the future has in store for them I know that somehow they'll get through it.

Liv adores Shea as well although she keeps a certain distance all the time. I always imagined that she and Niall would give me my first grandchild but that's not going to happen.

I told her that Deacon and I are looking into adopting an orphaned child. She looked quite surprised and said she didn't know we wanted more children. She thought it was a great idea though.

"I had a wonderful childhood. You and dad are so youthful that it's hard to think you'd be too old to be parents to a child." she said.

I asked about the break-up when we were sitting at the table. She finally admitted that she had broken up with Niall after seeing him kiss another woman.

"I guess he thought he could get away with it but to me an exclusive relationship rules out kissing other women!" she said. I could tell she was still quite angry at him.

"Please, don't tell dad" she said. "He's bad enough as it is. If I hear him say 'I told you so' one more time I'm going to scream!" I promised I wouldn't tell Deacon. I said that she could talk to me about anything confidentially.

She said that she's staying away from men now and concentrating on her career.

She gave me a big hug when she was leaving. I just wish she'd find some decent man who makes her happy.

Shea woke up from her nap right before Finn came home from school so he got to spend some time with her before he headed off to work. I know he'd want to spend more time with her but it's not possible right now. Next year it'll be even more difficult because Dawn is moving to Brixton with Shea.

Jackie came to pick her up later. She said that she left Dawn and Finn in charge of the restaurant for the rest of the night. In reality it's the hostess who's in charge but the kids like to think they're running the restaurant for a few hours.

Things have always been quite awkward between me and Jackie because of what happened years ago but we're both trying to make an effort for the sake of Finn and Dawn. We're actually getting along surprisingly well now.

Notes:

• Title reference: Defender by Gabriella Cilmi.
• Stella wants a baby! She rolled the want once and I ignored it but she kept rolling it again and again so I finally decided to write it in. Then Deacon rolled the want to have a baby as well. I thought that if Madonna can adopt children in her 50's then so can Stella Harris! I'm gonna make them wait 6 months before they are accepted and then I'm giving them a 10% chance of getting a child. I'll be rolling a dice each season (and later each month) until they either get to adopt or age to elders.
• Finn doesn't qualify for college because I don't think he could get even one scholarship. Of course now he's rolling the want to go to college but it's too late for him. I never really saw him going anyway.