Just hold me

Round 13: Winter 2020

Dawn Whitfield is 16.

Erin Fielding is reading for her Basic Criminal Procedure exam when someone rings the door bell. For a moment she wonders if whoever is behind the door would just go away if she doesn't make a sound. But the person on the other side of the door is determined. Erin gets up and opens the door only to find her cousin Dawn Whitfield outside - cold and shivering.

Dawn starts crying the moment she steps in. Erin can only try to console her.

Dawn finally calms down enough to talk.

"I'm pregnant" she says with a look of pure horror on her face. Saying it out loud makes it real.

Erin doesn't know what to say. This isn't what she expected to hear! A failed exam, a fight with the boyfriend... that she could have handled. This reminds her too much of the situation she was in herself about 9 years ago. She doesn't know exactly what to say although she understands why Dawn came to her.

"I know I shouldn't bother you with this but I thought... I just didn't know what to do" Dawn says. "I mean, you've been there... I just found myself jumping on the bus and coming here the moment I saw the test result."

Erin asks if Dawn is 100% sure but three tests don't lie.

"I was hoping every time that I'd get a negative but I didn't. Does it make me a horrible person if I say that I don't want to do this?" Dawn sighs.

Erin grabs Dawn by her arms and looks her straight in the eyes.

"No, it doesn't. But whatever you decide, consider it long and hard and do what's best for you. Don't let anyone walk over you, this is too big of a decision to let someone else do it for you."

Dawn feels like she's much more in control with her feelings now. She still gets horrified at the idea of telling Finn and her parents but she agrees with Erin that she has to tell them - no matter what she decides.

The next day Dawn is standing in front of her boyfriend Finn and although she had promised herself to stay strong she can already feel tears welling up in her eyes.

"Finn... I don't know how to soften the blow so I'm just gonna say it. I'm pregnant!" she says in between sobs.

Finn looks like he has turned into stone. He just stands there, staring at her and breathing slowly.

Dawn hangs her head. She feels like she could just die at that very spot. Finn still doesn't say anything.

"What are you gonna do... I mean, what are we gonna do?" Finn asks. He sounds almost too calm, like the news hasn't really sunk in yet. Or maybe he's in a shock and the reaction will come later. Whatever it is, at least he's not yelling at her.

"I... I'm not gonna keep it" Dawn says. "I'm only 16... I have my whole life ahead of me, I can't just throw it all away and become someone's mother!" she says with a voice that sounds shrill even to her own ears.

Finn wraps his arms around her and they just stand there in silence for minutes. Then, without saying a word, he leaves.

Dawn tells her parents that same evening. She gets the same reaction that she has gotten so far from everyone: a blank stare, followed by the simple question "what?".

"I'm pregnant, with Finn's baby" she repeats.

She was expecting her parents to go ballistic but they manage to stay calm somehow. They only start protesting when she says she's going to get an abortion.

"Have you really thought this through, Dawnie?" her mom asks, using the nickname she hasn't used in the last 10 years. Her dad looks away, as if he can't stand looking at her.

"I know I should be brave and have the baby and be happy but I just can't do it. I can't" Dawn says.

Jackie gets up and gives Dawn a hug.

"If you want, I'll come to the hospital with you."

Jackie might not agree with Dawn's decision but she knows that at this time Dawn needs her support more than anything else.

A few days later, Dawn is waiting in the hospital with her mother. Doctor Tori George comes to call her in and as she walks through the door she knows her life will never be the same.

...

Finn comes over in the evening. Dawn is sitting on her bed, staring blankly ahead.

He bends down to kiss her cheek and asks how she's doing. She lifts her head and looks into his eyes.

"I couldn't do it."

"What do you mean?" Finn asks.

"I'm still pregnant. We're gonna have a baby."

They cuddle up on her bed, both a little shocked but also determined to make this work.

"I'm scared" she whispers.

"Me too" he says and squeezes her a little bit tighter. "We'll make it somehow."


Notes:

• Title from "Just hold me" by Maria Mena.
• Many of you guessed right: Dawn is pregnant. I'm not exactly sure how it happened! I was following Zach and then I suddenly heard the chime and saw Dawn and Finn get up from the living room sofa. I was really having trouble deciding what to do. I already decided she would get an abortion but then I changed my mind. The baby is due in Autumn 2020. Dawn is supposed to start college in 2022 but I haven't decided what she'll do yet.
• I like how this update turned out. I think it's very different from what I usually do but I might try this type of writing in the future because I kind of enjoyed it.